Taiwan Journal 09

Short one this week....

An example of the absurd level of friendliness that is prevalent on Taiwan. So the hash run this week took me to a crazy climb up a cliff right by 101. This rope-and-rock ladder climb inspired me to recreate the trek again that next morning with my friend Phil. So, 9am we were back on the mountain, slightly hung over but otherwise feeling pretty good. That is, I felt good at the beginning, before climbing 4000m of stairs. By the time I got to the top of the ridge I was a tired thirsty hungover wreck.
So Phil and I see a little building that we think is a restaurant right off the trail. There are tables and stuff all set up, so the assumption was not that crazy. We walk in and ask the little old man there for a cup of water. Just as he hands us a teacup of boiling hot water (the only safe kind on the ridge) we realized that this was not a restaurant. Rather, we had barged into this man’s home and he served us anyway. It was, needless to say, awkward. So we sat there, trying to quickly drink our scalding water and escape our Ricky-Gervais-esq situation and flee down the hill.

(From half way up, then from the top of the ridge)

Other than the usual festivities of the Hash Run, this week has been pretty quiet. So, lacking any spectacular events to describe, I would like to write a bit about my neighborhood.
I like the neighborhood I live in quite a bit. Far more than the view presented to me as I trudged up the hill to my townhouse residence in Washington, approaching my apartment after a night out or on the way back from work really makes me feel like I am coming home.



A lot of this has to do with the overall atmosphere of my street. Longjaing Rd is a tree-lined little avenue both close to many built up areas of the city and wholly separated from the nonstop bustle that surrounds it. The street is lit primarily by the cool fluorescents of the supermarket and the red lamps of the restaurants. The door to my building is in a little narrow alley off the main street, like most apartments here. I can always here the family across the alley playing basketball or piano as I go up the stairs to my apartment.
Hmmm… More on this subject later…

Taiwan Journal 08

This week has been a little odd. My bosses gave me six more hours a week, pushing my grand weekly total to 15 class hours (about 21 hours of actual work with prep time and grading). Not enough, but getting there. I also came down with a pretty bad cold, and simultaneously ran out of contact lenses and broke my glasses. So I spent a couple days wandering the streets drearily, stuffed up and blurred. All I did Sunday was cook up a big batch of chicken soup, which I have been nursing slowly since.

I finally bought new frames for my lenses yesterday. I had to find frames that fit my lenses, so my choices were limited, and I’m not crazy with that I ended up with. These glasses should have come with a complementary soul patch and Steve Jobs man-crush. On the other hand, seeing is important. Or so they say.

Yesterday I had a hankering for Pizza, so I had lunch in the Domino’s across the block from my school. I should have skipped it. First of all, one can barely call Dominos “Pizza” under the best of circumstances. However, this vaguely sinofied pizzaspawn was a monstrosity. Ham under the cheese, not nearly enough sauce, etc. Worse, they sold it for roughly what a Domino’s personal pizza would cost in the States. Problem is, the local Taipei bakeries sell something kind of like pizza for a dollar (US$) a slice. And it is actually good.

Dominos only strength as a franchise is how cheap it is. But Taipei is loaded with far cheaper, far better fast food. The traditional American Fast Food model doesn’t quite work here because of the strength of the local competition. McDonalds has found success by rebranding itself as a semi-respectable restaurant, McCafe. Burgerking is a ghost town except for the employees. KFC… well, what can I say. Taiwanese people love fried chicken.

Today I took the train out to Fulong, to reach the Caoling Historic trail. Or, the Tsaoling Historic Trail. Every other signpost had a different English spelling. I guess I should have just been happy that they were in English at all. The trail led from the beach in Fulong, cutting across the peninsula inland to the cliffs and buffalo pastures above Dali, and eventually arrives in the woods above the surfer town of Dashi. The most notable thing about the hike was the wind on the cliffs. This was SERIOUS wind coming off the Pacific. Drunk-walking wind. Weatherman-in-a-poncho wind. The buffaloes did not mind. I also poorly timed my trip, so by the end I was coming down the mountain into Dashi at 5:20, through the jungle in the dark. Made me think of the many varieties of poisonous snakes (vipers and cobras mostly) that inhabit the island. Loads of fun.

I had tons of great photos of the trip, but somehow between last night when I was looking at them ant today when I wanted to upload them, they were deleted. I don’t know what happened.

Oh, and lastly, to all the naysayers out there, the Samson Experiment will continue until the end of winter.

Taipei is choc-filled with semi-feral dogs. Collared mutts with no masters roam BaDe Rd between the Beer Factory and the Main Station. I have heard that the locals are too Buddist to authorize wholesale slaughter of vagrant dogs without clear cause. There is something to this. The island is rabies free, and the dogs don’t beg or raid garbage cans that I have seen. That said, the other day I had a woman, complete stranger to me, hanging off my arm in fear at a crosswalk while a pack of pooches wandered by. Yesterday I took the bus south to Wulai, a little mountain town known for its hot springs and aboriginal culture. On the bus I met a couple of French backpackers who were equally ambivalent about what to do in Wulai. After viewing the town’s offering of tacky “aboriginal” art and sausage-on-a-stick stands, we decided to find our way towards Nedong National Forest. The tourist information center pointed us down the river, and an hour and a half later we arrived at the park. Well, the outside of the park anyway. Upon arriving we were turned away, due to the park being closed for mudslides or renovations or chupacabra infestation or whatever. The guy at the gate didn’t speak English.
As fate would have it, closer into town there is a small resort labeled an “amusement park” on the side of the ravine overlooking Wulai. The “amusements” include a decrepit ropes course, some fairground style games, and a “forest walk” path whose wooden boards could not be more slippery were they were greased with bacon fat. The only way into the resort is a gondola up from the river just south of town. The whole place feels like it is one gondola mishap away from being the local for a late 70’s slasher movie. Really creepy.
My work situation is quite odd now. I have only been given ten hours a week of work, which puts me in the awkward situation of having too much free time and not enough money to spend during it. I cannot easily pick up work elsewhere, because it would break my contract with Kojen and subject me to penalty fees. My work situation is going to have to change soon, one way or another.

Taiwan Journal 06

Missed last week for no particular reason. You know, beyond laziness.

For Halloween, my boss “volunteered” me to dress like a gorilla and go from class to class playing games with the children. An unanticipated consequence of this is, now when I sub for another teacher, the children greet me as “Monkey Teacher Ben”. Know what I don’t need? Dignity.

Actually, there was one good result of Halloween; I made a small girl cry. During my vocabulary-word-laden retelling of the legend of sleepy hollow, I removed a zombified head mask from my bag. This elicited a bout of terrified laughter. But then I passed the head around the class, eventually having it end up on the desk of one girl who really did not want it. Thankfully, this experience prepared me for the waterworks caused by me telling a different girl to team up with the fat kid. I know, I am such a dick. What was I thinking?

Yesterday I went downtown to pickup my new visa, and ran into the anti-China protests. President Ma’s negotiations with mainland diplomats have caused considerable consternation here, specifically because the Chinese delegation will not address Ma as “President”. The protests outside the President’s residence and Chiang Kai-Shek Memorial were huge, complete with food stands, loudspeaker trucks, and T-shirt carts (sporting multilingual “Yes We Can” shirts, no less). Many people wore ribbons with “Taiwan is My Country” written in Mandarin, English, and Russian. The chant for the day translates roughly to “Communist Bandit Go Home”, or so I was told. Surrounding the many government buildings were large portable barbed wire blockades and legions of riot police.

I witnessed the crowd surge on a firetruck, breaking off its mirrors and trying to physically block its path. Later that night, protesters attacked the riot police with sticks and bottles. This must of made the police feel rather odd, given that I imagine they are rather nationalist themselves (how many cops do you know who you would not classify as “nationalistic”?).
The truth is though that the protesters have little reason to complain. The negotiations are merely aimed at making travel and trade between the two countries less difficult, and did not touch on any independence-related issues. Meanwhile, Taiwan has practical autonomy guaranteed by the US, so long as it does not provoke a war by actually declaring independence. The relatively small (23 million) republic has no chance in a war against the Peoples Republic of China without American help, and it hardly seems worth it over a title and a vote in the UN.

Taiwan Journal 05

So, it seems that I joined a club last week; the Hash House Harriers. Every Sunday, they go out and run through the hills around Taipei. The “Hare” runs first, leaving piles of flour for the rest to follow. The trails thread through winding trails, switch-backed roads, farms, cemeteries, temples, and even bamboo-laden undergrowth. Every so often, the hair leaves an X in the path and the trail ends, to pick up somewhere else.

Once everyone has reached the end, the runners gather for “down downs”. This continuous stream of toasts and curses end once everyone is drunk enough to begin stuffing themselves and mortifying onlookers in a local restaurant. The Hash Runners are made up of a mix of Taipei locals and English-speaking expats. Taking shots with a middle-aged Taipei businessman whose knowledge of English seems to be limited to “Lets Get Fucked Up!” Apparently, the tradition began in Malaysia by British colonial officers who used the hash runs to work off the previous night’s hangover.


My exploration of Taipei’s surrounding hills has not been limited to hash runs, however. Last week I decided to take a trip to Maokong valley, in the south east corner of the city, to ride the famous Gondola that’s advertised across the city. According to the map, the trailhead was just a short walk from the Subway stop, and indeed it was. That did not stop me from getting lost and heading down what I thought was a trail but in fact was a driveway. This driveway extended through the fields of a tea farm, and ended at the farmer’s septic tank. The farmer watched me confidently marching down the path to his septic tank with puzzled amusement. Once I returned he was happy to point me in the correct direction.


This path led me, predictably, up well maintained and adorned continuous sets of stairs. After climbing about 3/4ths of the way up the hillside, the trail spontaneously led through a small covered market, with venders selling noodles, trinkets, and incense. The reason for the incense, and indeed for the whole market, is the massive complex of temples just up the hill. There are Taoist, Buddhist, Shinto, and Confuciust temples all right next to one another. The between the humidity and the incense, it was difficulty to breath near the top of the hill.

In the end, I reached the gondola above the temples only to discover that it was closed for maintenance. This left me to walk back on the (thankfully) downhill trail into town. I got home and found that the grocery store was selling a pound of calamari for $50NT (about $1.75USD). What I did not realize when I bought them was that the little squids had not been gutted. And squid ink gets everywhere. Something to keep in mind.

Next week is Halloween, and I have been “volunteered” by my boss to dress in a gorilla suit to amuse the kids before I head out to a party. Many clubs here offer an open bar after a $600NT ($18USD) cover charge, so I am sure that it will be an interesting night.

Taiwan Journal 04

Taiwan Journal 04

I woke up Thursday to blue skies and decided today would be as good a day as any to go for a hike. After a too brief consult with my map and guide book, I headed out the door towards Yangmingshan National Park. Yangmingshan is located in the northern mountains directly overlooking the city, and so I was looking forward to picturesque views of the city. There are buses that will take you right into the park, but I noticed that there was a trail from the city limits that leads directly into the park, and decided to take that route.


I soon discovered that this “trail” consisted entirely of a rather steep set of staircases, weaving between the backyards of houses perched on steep slope. This trail took me to a road in the hills, at which point it abruptly died, leaving me to find my way through little slippery alleyways tucked between mountain streams and chain link backyard fences. I eventually reached a little wooded valley town at the park’s entrance. After a 3km clime, my hike began.


The designers of Yangmingshan have made an unfortunate decision. At one point or another, they decided visitors to the park should be fully capable of visiting all of the park’s locals in their Sunday best, with no fear of getting dirt on their cuffs. With this in mind, they paved almost every inch of trail with cobblestone or concrete. The well maintained stone steps I greatly appreciated during my ascent of Cising Mountain. But the poured concrete on the more gently sloping trails had become slick with rain and lichen and were treacherous even in my hiking boots. Cising Mountain itself was interesting, but the view was ruined by wind and fog that apparently covers the peak every afternoon (as I learned from a helpful sign I passed on the way down).
I have been playing a good deal of basketball since I arrived. Yankee pitchers may be the local sports stars, but every kid in my classes with any athletic interest plays basketball. The reasons for this are not hard to fathom. There are plenty of basketball courts across the city, most of which are lit and some even are sheltered from the rain. The courts are packed with quick little slashers with respectable handles, but surprisingly bereft of good pure shooters. They get away with lacking an outside game by calling touch fouls on every play that they miss. It is a little annoying, but considering that I am a good 2-4 inches taller than any other player, I cannot complain too much.


Classes are going well. I have a class of teenagers, a class of 8-10 year olds, and a class of real munchkins. My immigration papers are coming along in good time. I am considering investing in a scooter to expedite my travels out of the city. With the scooter comes a face mask to save my lungs from exhausts at stoplights. Almost every scooter driver wears one, as do many pedestrians when the newspaper reports high levels of pollution. Some days look like SARS day at Disneyland here, no joke. But ironically, everyone here smokes. Go figure.

Taiwan Journal 03

Back on it for a short one…
Weather in Taipei thus far could be accurately described as “soupy”. When it rains it is warm and foggy, when it doesn’t it is hot and humid. I have acclimated and the weather does not bother me too much. But it does make me incredibly thirsty. This, mixed with Taiwan’s questionable drinking water, means I have had ample opportunity to explore Taiwan’s many bottled drink options.
In many cases I have been pleased with what I have found. 7eleven offers $17($0.50USD) iced teas that have served me well, and there is a far better variety of canned and bottled coffee drinks than the US has. Where I run into problems is when I want a non-caffeinated drink late at night. There are many juices, and milks, and juice-milk combos. But they are often terrible. Most fall into one-of-two categories; “Soapy” or “Salty”. Neither category is what you want when parched. And one must be careful when buying large bottles of water to read the label carefully, to make sure your not getting “Lactic Acid Drink” or “Pocari Sweat”. Delicious.

Today is Yom Kippur, and last night I found a “synagogue” to go to for services. It was a reasonably nice service, with my only complaint being that, since it was being held in a hotel room in the Taipei Sheridan and because I accidentally came early and therefore ended up in the front row, when the service went in an unexpected direction in regards to the melody of the prayers or the order of the service, I felt that my confusion was prominently on display. I am not going to the service today, because 9 hours of synagogue is too much for me. I am fasting though, drinking only water. I am making the exception for water because, as I mentioned above, I am sweating all the time here. I have not pee’ed clear once since I got here and I’m worried that I will get ill if I do not drink.
Anywhoo… I found out about my classes. Ill be teaching a mixed bag of high-schoolers and munchkins. I seem to be having some problems with my Debit card, which is Really convenient especially since I need to pay my rent and deposit… today.

Taiwan Journal 02

Taiwan Journal 2

So, I am starting to settle in here. I have found a new apartment, walking distance from the school (and fixed my door). I have begun training and meeting the other teachers. I am increasing my still-sparse Chinese vocabulary. I am figuring out where to eat, what’s worth buying, where to go out, etc. So far, so good.

A couple things worth noting. As anyone who has attempted to walk with me around cities like New York or Washington knows, I am an avid jaywalker. I treat crosswalks and pedestrian traffic lights with bemused disdain, and traverse streets wherever traffic patterns allow. Taipei seems to have cured me of this habit. At first I waited at walk signs based on a “when in Rome” philosophy. Now I do so out of genuine mortal fear.
Lest you think I exaggerate, let me explain. People in this city cannot drive. Every day is like a rally race at a sweet sixteen party. People swerve. They accelerate until right before they stop. They ignore one-way signs. They drive up onto curbs to park, even when people are on those very curbs. They go straight through red lights. Honestly, they don’t even drive that fast. It’s not recklessness so much as a genuine lack of skill.

Of course, cars are only a small portion of the vehicles on the road, and that brings me to an entirely different dilemma. My new housemate’s theory is that people drive cars so poorly because they are use to driving scooters, and expect them to handle the same. More than three quarters of drivers are on scooters, rain or shine. When a red light turns green, you can tell without even looking from all the buzzing Vespa engines.

The Taiwanese scooter is an All Terrain Vehicle. It will be driven down highways or alleyways, over dirt or grass, off curbs and down sidewalks. Riding down sidewalks is a convenient way for the Taiwanese Scooter-enthusiast to avoid rush-hour congestion, or just to see the city from a different perspective. In any city this would create interesting choices for pedestrians, but the way buildings are constructed in Taipei makes it especially nerve-wracking. Most buildings’ in Taipei have their ground floor set back as to create an overhang under which pedestrians walk. With shops to one side and pillers, food venders, and parked bikes to the other, there is little room for a weary ambler to avoid oncoming scooters. About once a day someone reenacts the scene below from True Lies, with me as the bellhop pushed into the fountain (fast forward to about 2:45).

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True Lies - Mall Chase - Every10Mins.com

I actually have a bit more written that needs a little editing. That, along with a bunch of photos, I will put up tomorrow morning (in my new place!).

Taiwan Journal 01

So, here I am in Taiwan. I do not have a permanent address or a working cell phone, but I am here. I have signed my contract and received my assignment, working out of the head office in downtown Taipei. Hoorah.

(Canada, then Alaska)

It took about twenty-three hours for me to travel from JFK to Taipei. There were two stop-overs, a short one in Detroit and a slightly longer one in Osaka. The plane was old and uncomfortable, with only a single projector screen on the long trip from Detroit to Japan. The “highlight” of the films presented was the Wakowski Brother’s Technicolor disaster Speed Racer. However, anticipating the possibility of a nice view for the flight, I had made sure to secure a window seat on the right side of the plane, facing away from the sun for most of the flight. For this foresight I was rewarded with beautiful views of Canadian, Alaskan, and Siberian mountain ranges, which I dutifully gawked at for a healthy portion of the flight.

(Siberia)

I arrived at my temporary apartment in Taipei around 12:30am. I currently need four keys to open the many doors between the street and my room, though when I first arrived I needed five. The alley my building is on is not particularly well lit, and the locks are stubborn. After putting my things down in my room I decided to take a walk to look for a snack. Upon returning I was unable to figure out how to open the first lock (you have to turn it, pull out, then push in). I assumed that I had the wrong door, or worse even the wrong street. So I spent a half an hour trying belatedly to find the right one, worrying that my first night in Taipei would be on the street.

(Sky over Japan)

I eventually found my way in to discover one of my housemates returning from a bar. He asked me if I wanted to go with him to the 7eleven around the corner. I agreed and closed the door to my room, only to realize that the door had locked and I had left my keys on my bed. My new housemate was completely sloshed and as such the advice he gave was less than useful. After a couple aborted attempts to use a credit card to open the door, I made an executive decision that however much it would cost to repair the door was worth less than reaching my bed after my long flight. So with one swift kick I gained entrance. The bolt from the handle hit the wall opposite the door and I promptly collapsed asleep.

(View From Apartment Balcony)

Taipei seems like a pretty cool city so far.  It is like a cross between the city in Blade Runner and an old sauna. Many of the buildings look like duct tape was a vital building material. Much of the architecture was built in the 50’s and 60’s. The Kuomintang had to build quickly during that period to accommodate a million refugees from China. However, they were convinced that they would quickly reconquer the mainland, so the buildings did not have to be built to last. The past fifty years have not been kind to them.

Mopeds absolutely own the city, due to the fact that many of the side streets are too narrow for cars and sidewalks are considered more of a luxury than a necessity. The most surprising thing I have noticed is the prevalence of “western” food. Sandwiches and hot dogs seem almost as common as dumplings and noodles, even with street venders.

(View From my Room)

I am going to try to keep this blog well stocked with stories and photos from my time here, as well as the occasional political rant.

Georgia, Russia and NATO

By now, anyone has been following the recent events in Georgia knows the box score of the current hostilities, but Ill recap just in case.

In 1991, Georgia declared independence from the Soviet Union. Though it flirted briefly with democracy, a semi-fascist oligarchy headed by Eduard Shevardnadze was quickly set up and ran the country until 2003. During this time, Russia began to build up the separatist aspirations of South Ossetia and Abkhazia, two provinces on the Russo-Georgian border. They even went as far as to issue Russian passports in Abkhazia and South Ossetia. Both regions have held de facto autonomy since 1992 due to the threat of Russian military action.

The situation changed after the “Rose Revolution” of 2003. With both Russian and American support, Mikheil Saakashvili forced Shevardnadze to abdicate and was elected President a month later. The election of a legitimate, democratic government in Georgia coincided with increased American interest in the region. Georgia wanted a powerful backer to help it reclaim territories lost to Russian influence, whereas the threat of nuclear proliferation and a desire for allies in Central Asia to help combat “Global Terrorism” were the principle drives behind American support for the Caucasus state.

The current war was touched off when Georgia invaded the South Ossetian capital of Tskhinvali, killing Russian “peacekeepers” in the process. Technically, the Georgians were in the right here. South Ossetia is recognized by the UN as part of Georgia, and so they were technically just maneuvering on their own territory. The truth is that they have no more right to South Ossetia than Russia has to Georgia. On the other hand, if every group in the Caucuses with a Glorious Past and a grudge actually had independence, the map would look like you dumped out a bag of Skittles on it. Regardless, Russia responded by sending couple tank columns down into Georgia.

Of course, the Russians had motives beyond protecting the “poor oppressed Ossetians”. Russia has been bitter ever since NATO declared Kosovo independent from Russia’s historic little buddy Serbia. Vlad Putin has been peeved because of discussions about Georgia and Ukraine joining NATO. Putin wants to use this war to promote an undeclared Russian Monroe Doctrine. The West, and especially the United States, stays the hell out of the Former Soviet Union. Or, to quote Vladimir Putin, “Georgia’s OUR bitch.”*

Russia cannot be allowed to dictate who the US and NATO works with. The idea that American overtures to former Soviet states were part of a plan to encircle Russia was pure paranoia. Fear of Russia may be what drives Eastern Europe into America’s arms, but beyond the op-ed pages of the Wall Street Journal, America has little interest in messing with Putin’s Russia. We have quite enough enemies, thank you very much. The Russia just wasn’t really on NATO’s radar.

That is, until now. I think that Putin and President Medvedev may have miscalculated with this war. Georgia and Ukraine were very close to getting NATO membership earlier this year, and would have if not for opposition from Germany. The strongest case against Georgia and Ukraine entering NATO is that it would be unnecessarily provocative to bring in a country with an active border dispute with Russia. The Russian offensive may succeed in clearing up this issue. Meanwhile, Russian artillery and the inevitable civilian casualties it causes are upsetting Europeans use to more civilian-friendly American precision bombing. Europe has been stuck in the idea that full-out war only happens to silly little brown people and cowboy Americans. What a change a week makes.

The situation in Georgia is completely up in the air and I can’t speculate on its result, but I will say that this war will most likely lead to Ukraine’s ascension into NATO and the EU. This war may make Georgians look like unreliable allies, but Ukraine is unscathed. Had Georgia made it into NATO, I doubt that Russia would have risked this war. As it is, the Georgian war may just lead to Russia feeling more encircled than it did last week.

*I have no evidence that Mr. Putin ever said this.

The United States and Turkey

For the past couple of years, Turkey has been struggling with something of a crisis of identity. Turkey, long at the crossroads between the West and Asia, has spent almost ten years negotiating for membership in the European Union. While it remains strictly secular by law, in practice Turkey is a devoutly Muslim nation and is far more pious than many in the European club it wishes to join. This dichotomy between Turkey’s secular construction and Islamic content may be the cause of many of its headaches domestically and internationally. It is also the strongest basis for making sure Turkey continues to grow closer to the west.

Criticism of Turkish ascension to the EU typically takes three distinct forms. The first concern that many in Europe have is Turkey’s economic strength. This complaint is patently unfair. Turkey’s GDP per capita is above that of Romania, which ascended to the EU in 2006. More open trade with Europe would certainly accelerate Turkey’s growth, as would the strong increase in foreign investment associated with EU ascension.

A second concern about Turkey joining the EU, famously voiced by Pope Benedict XVI, is the idea that Europe is, by definition, Christian. I am sure that the 10 million French, British, and German Muslims would be delighted to hear that. The Pope later recanted, but widespread xenophobia remains throughout the EU. Europeans hate genocide and ethnic cleansing, but love their results. Regardless, the complaint is bullshit. Nations of the Anatolia peninsula have been part of European politics longer than the Church has. No one denied that Istanbul was part of Europe back when it was called Constantinople.

The most legitimate concern about Turkey has been the strength of its democracy. Turkey has been a Democracy in the South-East Asian sense of the word, in that sovereignty with the people, so long as the people don’t do anything to upset the military. What really pisses off the military is anything that would go against the legacy of Kemal Ataturk. This includes anything that would deny the inherent Turkishness of Turkey, and any hint of religion in politics.

So the electoral success of the mildly Islamist AK party, and of its leader Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan, has upset the secularists in the military greatly. Their fears are unjustified. AK’s most anti-secular action, the repeal of a ban on headscarves in Universities, is hardly a first step on the road to a Caliphate. Saudi Arabia had a similar ban on headscarves in Universities, in that they disapproved both of women learning and cross dressers. The most likely effect of the ban on headscarves in Turkey was that women in poorer and more religious areas were less likely to attend school.

Regardless, the Chief Prosecutor had asked the Constitutional courts to ban AK. This was no mean threat: the constitutional court has banned more than twenty political parties since its inception. Last week, the court decided not to do so. This event, along with the recent negotiations in Cyprus, demonstrates the strength of Turkey’s democracy and its determination to join Europe. But Turkey needs help overcoming European fears. This is where the United States comes in. America should start going to bat for Turkey in a visible way regarding its EU ascension.

Turkey is one of America’s most important allies in a number of ways. They are a regional power in the Middle East on the level of Iran in terms of size and strength. Even if Turkey does not make it into the EU, they are likely to negotiate some sort of free trade agreement that will accelerate their growth similar to how NAFTA has sped up Mexico’s. That will leave it as an increasingly powerful power with a strong economy and a growing population. They have long standing ties to the United States through NATO, and maintain friendly relations with Israel as well as its neighbors. They did not back us in Iraq, but who can blame them? All we did was create a mess on its southeastern border, and stir up trouble with its large (20%) Kurdish minority.

On top of this, they are tough. Global Fire Power.com ranks their military as 8th in the world, ahead of Great Britain’s, for whatever that’s worth. In a time when most of our “allies” in the region kowtow to our face and stab at our back (think Pakistan and the Saudis), Turkey is upfront with its displeasure with the US. So much so that it has been willing to go into Iraq to bang on the PKK (anti-Turkish Kurdish militias), even though the Kurds are America’s only reliable ally in the country.

Here is the problem. The United States is very unpopular among most people in Turkey. The Iraq war and the perceived anti-Muslim trend in American foreign policy are certainly aspects of this widespread resentment. However, foreign policy is a “what have you done for me lately” business. We have been asking a lot of favors from the Turks recently and have not done much in return.

US support for Turkey’s EU bid would be perfect for this. It would be visible and easy to understand. We would piss off the Germans and others in Europe, but who cares? Europeans will get over it. If Turkey perceives that it is continually being rejected by the West, it might not.

Iraq and McCain

So far, the conventional wisdom has been that, as a campaign issue, Iraq is a wash for Obama and McCain. Many commentators have argued that, though the Iraq war is highly unpopular among the electorate, McCain's position on the war makes him look principled and his military background gives him important foreign policy experience. Americans are also somewhat torn over the war itself, due to fears that an American pullout could precipitate a civil war.

The ongoing negotiations over the Status of Forces agreement have dramatically changed Iraq as an election issue. Iraqi Prime Minister Maliki has demanded that any agreement between the United States and Iraq have a clearly stated withdrawal timetable. Obama has long stated that he is in favor of just this sort of timetable, but McCain has claimed that insurgents would merely lie low until the United States leaves, then return to terrorizing the country.

This argument made much more sense a year ago than it does now. Al Qaeda in Iraq is largely defeated across the country and the Mahdi Army seems to accepted the legitimacy of the current government in Iraq, if not the occupation that protects it. Iraq, the government and the people, want a sign that the United States is not there to stay. This is a fair request and it makes sense to honor it.

One must remember what our primary mission in Iraq is. It is not to protect the Iraqi people, though that is a necessary component. Our goal in Mesopotamia is and has been to leave behind a friendly, strong democracy. But democracy is messy and democratic allies cannot always be depended on to fall in line on every issue. There is a real belief that any government supported by an occupying force is destined to be a sycophantic marionette, with strings held in the Green Zone and in Washington. If Maliki's government is to wield any power and maintain the trust of the people it governs, it must dispel this belief.

Iraq holds all the cards in a negotiation with the United States. Maliki can credibly claim that he cannot present a Status of Forces agreement to the Iraqi people without a timetable for withdrawal. The Bush administration, conversely, has all the negotiating flexibility in the world. They can hardly threaten to pull out immediately as opposed to agreeing to pull out eventually. And they need the Status of Forces agreement to legally distinguish our current presence in Iraq from an aggressive occupation.

I do not understand why McCain has not used this opportunity to adjust his position on Iraq. He has said that "We will come home with honor and with victory," but America announcing that it will leave Iraq may be instrumental to that victory. If the Iraqi government asks us to go and we refuse, we would reignite the civil war and insurgency that the Surge helped avert. In McCain's own words, "it's obvious that we would have to leave" if we are asked to by the Iraqi government.

McCain should come out loudly in favor of bowing to Maliki's wishes for a set timetable. if he did so he would essentially force the issue on the Bush administration, because the Iraqi's would be guaranteed of getting a good deal from whoever wins in November, and could turn down any deal they did not like until the end of the year.

McCain then could brandish his foreign policy experience untainted by the occupation in Iraq, because he could declare it a resolved problem. He could focus on displaying his warrior's courage and Churchillian resolve on serious but politically unambiguous problems like Afghanistan and Pakistan. He could say that the success of the Surge, which was his baby as much as it was Petreus's, is what allowed for this policy adjustment. It would define him as strong yet flexible, displaying a visible change from the past eight years of "Stay the Course."

I just don't get why this has not already happened.

Casus Belli

The new edition of The New Yorker features a piece by Seymour Hersh, reporting that the Bush administration has initiated large-scale covert operations within Iran aimed at destabilizing the regime, and that Congress has given him $400 million to do so. US Special Ops and the CIA have been encouraging Baluchi, Ahwazis, and Kurdish dissident groups within Iran to increase attacks targeting the government and the Revolutionary Guard.

There is very significant support for US actions against Iran on both sides of the isle on the Hill. While very few Americans are in favor of a military strike against Iran, the tone of the Democratic Primary and the vote to declare the Revolutionary Guard a terrorist group certainly indicate there is a strong anti-Iran movement within the Democratic Party. Obviously, the $400 million would not have been allocated without the support of Democratic leadership in the House and the Senate. However, despite this support, the White House has kept Congress largely out of the loop in regards to the Pentagon’s actions in Iran.

“I suspect there’s something going on, but I don’t know what to believe. Cheney has always wanted to go after Iran, and if he had more time he’d find a way to do it. We still don’t get enough information from the agencies, and I have very little confidence that they give us information on the edge.” – Congressman David Obey, House Appropriations Committee Chair

Congress is not the only ones being kept out of the loop. Admiral William Fallon, David Petreus’s predecessor as head of CENTCOM, resigned due to disagreements with the White House over America’s Iran policy. Specifically, he ran into opposition from the Vice President’s office while trying to rein in Special Ops forces operating within his theater but not under his control.

These covert operations have been ongoing for at least the past six months, without a significant heightening of tensions between the United States and Iran. However, recent events involving Israel are worrisome. In May, Israel conducted a large practice operation in the Mediterranean involving over 100 planes, coincidentally the same distance west that Iran is east. Shabtai Shavit, a former head of Mossad, has said that Israel has “about a year” to destroy Iran’s uranium enrichment industry. Former Ambassador John Bolton theorized that Israel may attack late this year, after the presidential election but before Obama or McCain take office. The goal of these attacks would be to cripple Iran’s Uranium-enrichment industry. Israel has launched similar strikes in the past, in 1988 against Iraq and last fall against Syria. However, without American assistance it is highly doubtful that such an attack would be successful against Iran, due to its size and mountainous terrain.

Worse, Iran has indicated that it will respond to any Israeli attack by closing the Strait of Hormuz, the thirty-five mile wide shipping lane into the Persian Gulf through which 40% of the world’s oil is shipped. A combination of mines artillery, and rockets could largely shut down the strait to commercial shipping. US Naval officials have said that the United States will not allow Iran to close off the Persian Gulf, and that any attempt to do so would be viewed as an act of war.

Here is the problem for the United States. It is very difficult to stop artillery and rockets coming out of unfriendly territory. Iran does not have to stop every oil tanker to hurt the US. Even the potential of a threat has driven the price of oil up. Imagine if an actual threat materializes. And due to the relative shallowness of the strait, every ship Iran sinks is a potential obstacle, making the shipping lanes even more dangerous. Case-in-point; the Israelis have been unable to stop rocket and mortar attacks coming out of Gaza, a 5 mile wide strip that they know like the back of their hand. How does the US stop similar attacks coming out of a much bigger territory in Iran without invading?

Gaza Strip drawn to Scale with Strait

Putting boots on the ground in Iran is the last thing the US wants to do. Remember, these guys trained Hezbollah. They are not going to line up for us in nice tank battles the way Saddam did. We don't really have a major opposition group to back like we did with the Northern Alliance in Afghanistan. We cannot cannot successfully wage a limited war with Iran.

Hopefully, cooler heads will prevail. A top aid to supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei came out in favor of negotiations, and cautioned against top Iranian officials using "provocative and illogical declarations and slogans," a reference to Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's frequent predictions of the destruction of Israel. Recent developments in North Korea have shown that negotiations, combined with economic sanctions, can yield positive returns.

The United States has to be very careful with this issue. We have to hold Israel on a tight leash in regards to Iran. According to Shavit, getting American approval is "not a precondition" for an attack. This is bull. While Israel's fears of an Iranian nuclear program are justified, there are better ways of dealing with it than a preemptive strike that is unlikely to do more than delay weapons production. While we are doing as much to support Israel as we do, and when we will likely be the recipients of Iranian reprisals, they had damn well better wait for America to sign off on any attack.

The American congress should hold still-President Bush to a tighter leash as well. Both Barak Obama and John McCain promise to end the shoot-from-the-hip policies and byzantine power struggles that characterized the past eight years of American foreign policy. It would be a shame if, in his last days in office, Bush led us into a disaster like this.

How to be a Cartoonishly Evil Corporation; KBR in Iraq

It is often brought up by members of the Left that we went into Iraq because Mr. Cheney wanted to help his friends in Haliburton steal all the Muslims' oil. This would sound more like shrieking paranoia were it not for the good people over at KBR. Formally a Haliburton subsidiary called Kellogg Brown and Root, KBR has for the past five years been doing its best to act like a corporation in a Grisham novel. It is amazing how little press some of this stuff has gotten.

So KBR is currently the primary vendor of food and other supplies to American soldiers. It has been paid $24 billion dollars since the war began, largely from no-bid contracts. It has been alleged that these contracts were given due to the company's political connections to the White House, via Dick Cheney. But what's a government sponsored monopoly between friends? If that were all, KBR would be barely more evil than Juan Trippe's PanAm in The Aviator.

Now there are plenty of stories coming out of Iraq highlighting the sort of shadyness and incompetence that KBR regularly displays. KBR found a great way to save money, for example, by taking waste water, pouring some chlorine into it, filtering it, and piping it back to American Soldiers for bathing and laundry use. KBR is also under investigation for ignoring the warnings of its electricians about shoddy wiring, which may have led to the electrocution and death of 12 service members in Iraq. But where KBR really goes into Grisham territory is the story of Jamie Leigh Jones.

Jones was an employee of KBR in Iraq in 2006. She was roofied and raped by one of her fellow employees. This in itself is not too uncommon for female contractors in Iraq. What made Jones's case special was her employers reaction to the news. You see, one might expect that when a company is presented with a terrible situation like this, they would quickly move to assist and console the victim. If for no other reason than to limit their financial liability. KBR decided to go a different route.

After Ms. Jones saw a US Army physician and was given a rape kit, which confirmed that she had been drugged and raped by multiple parties, she was promptly escorted by KBR security to a shipping container. There she was held against her will for four days, until she managed to beg a cell phone from one of her guards. She called her father, who contacted Congressman Ted Poe. Poe contacted the State Department, which sent two Foreign Service Officers to rescue Ms. Jones.

Just like any Grisham-esq corporate thriller, the behavior of KBR makes very little sense. Why lock the poor girl up? At that point, why not kill her? I mean, if your banking on the "Iraq is the Wild West and therefor laws don't apply" theory, why not take it to its logical conclusion? Jones was not just raped. She ended up needing reconstructive surgery after the incident. It seems a bit unrealistic to expect her to cool her heels and get over it.

Of course Iraq is the Wild West, according to the Bush Administration, and KBR is a protected company. So the the Justice Department is in no rush to investigate and even though Ms. Jones returned form Iraq two years ago there has been little progress on her case. Her best hope for justice is to wait until January when the new administration comes in.

KBR's protection by the Bush administration has been reemphasized this week by new allegations against them, this time by an ex-US army official who says he was fired for contesting "$1 billion in questionable payments".

"The official, Charles Smith, was the senior civilian overseeing the multibillion-dollar contract with KBR during the first two years of the war. Speaking out for the first time, Smith said that he was forced from his position in 2004 after informing KBR officials that the army would impose escalating financial penalties if they failed to improve their chaotic Iraqi operations. Army auditors had determined that KBR lacked credible data or records for more than $1 billion in spending, so Smith refused to sign off on the payments to the company.

'They had a gigantic amount of costs they couldn't justify,' he said. 'Ultimately, the money that was going to KBR was money being taken away from the troops, and I wasn't going to do that.'"

Smith was replaced by an outside contractor, who immediately authorized the payments.


In other news, KBR is opening up a new division dedicated to growing out handlebar mustaches and tieing damsels to railroad tracks. This is following revelations that KBR will soon begin feeding America's troops in Iraq a balanced diet of clubbed baby seal and recycled orphans.

Muqtada Rebrands, and the "Status of Forces" agreement

This weekend saw two important events happen in Iraq, both of which make me optimistic about the political future of that country.

Firstly, PM Maliki has announced that the negotiations between Iraq and the United States for a new security agreement have reached an impasse. The Bush Administration has been promoting an agreement that would give American military personnel and contractors legal immunity from Iraqi courts, authority to conduct military operations without consulting the Iraqi government, control of Iraq's airspace and borders, and over 50 bases. The Iraqi's, conversely, are looking for an American guarantee to defend Iraq's borders from foreign invasion.

Many of these provisions are deeply unpopular in Iraq. Ayatollah Sistani has vocally opposed the deal, and had Maliki conceded to it he would have confirmed his critics accusations that he is merely an American puppet. The Bush administration has said that it "remains confident" that a deal will be reached by the end of July. Though this may be an optimistic estimate, some sort of deal will certainly be reached before the UN mandate for American forces runs out in December.

Secondly, Muqtada al-Sadr has announced that he is restructuring the Mahdi Army. The Mahdi army is already the largest distributor of humanitarian aid in Iraq. Much of the Mahdi rank-and-file will be turned into a civilian organisation focused on "religious, social and cultural affairs", increasing the organization's political strength. Meanwhile a smaller and more secretive group would continue attacks on, Coalition forces. "The weapons will be held exclusively by this new group, and they should be pointed exclusively at the occupier." Likely, the "new group" will be primarily made up of the Iranian trained Special Groups that have been so effective against both American and Iraqi forces. "We will not stop resisting the occupation until liberation or martyrdom," Sadr has said.

It may seem odd that these two events are signs of progress. Why is it good that the Iraqi government is repudiating the United States, and that a prominent politician is pledging to continue to kill American soldiers? Because both events hint that there will not be a cataclysmic civil war when we leave.

Both of the above mentioned events are proof of growing nationalism within Iraq, and a growing faith in the ability of the government to maintain stability. Maliki would not have stood up to the Bush administration over the Status of Forces agreement if he believed that the only thing holding him in power was American military might. And Sadr would not begin to demilitarize his militia at all if he did not see a route to power though democracy, or if he predicted a full scale civil war would break out soon. His only incentive to transform the Mahdi army into a civilian force is to expand his influence amongst the moderate Shiites.

Iraq is going to be messy. There are too many factions within the country that have an interest in a weak central government. Not just the Mahdi Army, but also the Sunnis and the Kurds, and above all the Iranians. But the Iraqi army is becoming increasingly capable of putting up a fight to the militia groups, and the country is unlikely to completely splinter apart the minute we leave.

Here are the facts; there is a finite amount of time that America can expect to maintain the current level of soldiers on active duty in Iraq and Afghanistan. Withdrawing from Iraq would would allow the American military to refocus its efforts on Afghanistan. Recent events there have certainly emphasized the need for more American boots on the ground in Kandahar and the rest of eastern Afghanistan.

The United States needs to drastically reduce its presence in Iraq, and soon. John McCain often says on the campaign trail that we should not leave Iraq until we have achieved "victory." But what does Victory entail? The vision of a Switzerland on the Euphrates just aint gona happen. A more realistic model may be India. India is also subjected to ethnic tensions and regular terrorism, but none the less has maintained a vibrant democracy. Perhaps if the United States began to move towards the door, we would be able to largely appease the Sadrists while still assisting the government.

What should be kept in mind, by both Mr. Bush in the waning days of his presidency and by both presidential candidates, is that their chief duty in Iraq is the stewardship of American power. Every action taken in Iraq by the United States must keep this in mind. When the NeoCons said that the post 9/11 world is a new and dangerous place for a superpower, they were not wrong. America cannot afford to dictate the next eight years of its foreign policy based on the "we broke it we bought it" theory.

What really is preventing us from declaring Victory? I am not talking about a gaudy speech on an aircraft carrier, but instead Bush and Petreus (or McCain and Petreus or Obama and Petreus) announcing that they believe that Iraqi can stand up on its own, and that America will withdraw, not as a defeated occupier, but as a friend and ally of the Iraqi people.